


Pace

by creativwritingmind



Series: Two [56]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-02-02 21:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12734985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativwritingmind/pseuds/creativwritingmind
Summary: The confession wasn't even the hardest part...





	Pace

The confession wasn't the hardest part, although both of them had always thought it would be. In fact it was quiet easy, nearly offhand, when Tyler showed Josh a new song idea he was working on and the drummer blurrted out a "Plus I might be in love with you!" after telling how good it was. Positivly surprised Tyler answered a "Dude! That's sick! Me too!" and this was that. The hard part, they learned, came afterwards, when they shuffled awkwardly out of the backstudio into the bunk area of the bus, both just processing what the other had said. Ignoring the electric jolt running through his veins when his fingers closed around Joshs wrist Tyler stopped them then. "Wait...don't we...I mean..shouldn't we like..." Blinking irritated while trying not to stare at him Josh shifted from one foot to the other to hide the trembling his anxiety had already triggered. "Hugh?" Picking up on it nonthless Tyler sighed, let his hand go and leaned against the bunks behind him, hands crossed before his chest in a defensive manner he couldn't explain himself. "I mean...we...like...just told each other we're..." Words did not come easy and helplessly flourishing between them Tyler slowly got the impression Josh was purposefully not understanding what he tried to say. The drummer still skitterd on his feet, wanting to look everywhere but not his friend, but sensing that he needed to take part in this conversation. "Well it's...uhm...good to know?" he tried carefully, Tylers frustrated huff telling him he didn't even came nearwhere what the other was trying to say. "No! I mean yeah! I mean..." Taking a deep breath and pinching the bridge of his nose Tyler sighed, closing his eyes for a second. This couldn't be so hard. This were Josh, for god's sake!  
"We just clarrified we might be in love with each other. So...shouldn't we like...hug or something?" Freezing out of a sudden and now concentrating his focus fully on the singer Josh stood slightly agape, his head twitching as Tyler added a worried: "You ok? You don't look so good, buddy." Raising one hand to the air and pointing at his opposite Josh gave a raspy: "Thanks for the compliment!" Confusion crinkled Tylers front who was about to loose his coolness, not entirely sure if they were really on the same page anymore. "O come on, you know what I mean! And we don't need to hug if you......" He just wanted to voice his doubts when the door to the lounge area slid open and he had to change midsentence to not reveal the situation to Mark, who stepped in, ignored them briefly and started to search for something in his bunk, "don't want to do that transition to Lane Boy I'm totally in with it." Trying to play along Josh failed and started to stutter, earning them a suspicious glance from Mark, who thankfully did not question but leave. They were known for having conversations that where not alotted to someone elses ears and most of the time Mark didn't even want to know what they were about. Still their friends interruption hat cut the ties somehow and left them both hanging, standing close together still pretty far, unsure what to do next. It was Josh who tried to get the conversation going again. Licking his lips nervously he glanced up, trying to read his friends face. "Was this a mistake? I mean...will this change us too much?"  
Feeling his heart leap against his chest, trying to push him closer to the other Tyler sighed again, this time to easy the tension in his body, letting it exhale with the air between them, giving up the rigid posture of his arms. "No. It was not a mistake, that is. It will definitly change us. But how much and what ways is ours to decide. So...we should take this slow, I guess. One step at a time." Glad to have something that sounded like a solution Josh eagerly nodded. "Yes, yeah, that's good. Slow. Like..babysteps." "Very little ones." "Tiny." "Beanlike." "Exactly." It took them one glance at each other to break out in laughter, and suddenly everything seemed to be set back into place. This was them, this was known territory. Joking with each other over things probably noone else would understand. Josh was reliefed when he stretched and decided to get breakfast, grinning at his friend and starting to walk towards the lounge area. His heartrate did double though when Tyler did call him just before he reached for the door and send a "Just for the record: You do look amazing." after him.  
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The hard part wasn't over, they learned during the day. It had more or less just begun. As soon as they found themselves in company of their friends and crew, both boys quickly discovered how much they suddenly overthought each interpersonal action between them. Entering the briefing they regulary did before their shows Tyler sat down beside Brad, although the seat beside his drummer was always kept free for him. Noone questioned it though because he asked the photographer to quickly show him some of the trial shots he had done to get a sense of the best lightning. At the soundcheck Josh didn't lean on the piano to listen to Tyler warming up like he used to do, there seemed to be something wrong with the tuning of his drums so noone saw something odd in it. Lunch was a big one this time, the venue they played in had a restaurant too and they treated them with a buffet, Tyler had to answer a phonecall though and ended up starting to eat when Josh just left the table. Noone cared. Except of themselves. Nearly biting off skin of his finger Josh nibbled on his nail when he raised his other hand to knock on his friends hotelroom. It had become a constant for them to have rooms on their own, which never stopped them to end up in the same anyway. They watched a movie together or talked all night, and soon it was always too late and they both too tired to do something else then fall asleep. Josh wondered why they hadn't recognized long ago that their feelings where mutual. Waiting for the other to open the door he took a step back when Tyler did and was hit hard by the sight in front of him. Appearently fresh out of the shower the singer wore pretty much nothing then a towel, single droplets of water splashing out of his hair as he moved and running downed his tattoed chest. Gulping hard Josh took all strength he found to rip his eyes back up and not let them follow the water downwards, meeting his friends widened ones.   
"Uhm...come in, I'll...just get a change real quick!" Tyler broke out and then stumbled back into his room, visibly overwhelmed by the situation. Grabbing a few clothes on his way he vanished into the bathroom and Josh raised his brow when he heared the lock turn. It was still hard to ignore how the drops ran down Tylers neck when he reappeared, albeit he was wrapped in black now. His hands nervously twitching he sat down on a chair across from where Josh had taken place on the bed and searched his mind for something to say. Silence threatened to take a hold of them, and Tyler felt his throat closing up slowly, panic rising. Like so often before it was Joshs voice, quiet and soothing, that stopped the process of setting himself into stress. "Look, this is dumb! I mean...the whole trying to avoid each other bullshit. Tyler...I know you like the back of my hand and the same goes the other way around so what the heck are we afraid of?" There was something about Josh that always made his dams break and Tyler hated it the same way he loved it. Words starting to spill, turning into a flow he choked out, his hand grasping at his hair, a nervous habbit he had never got rid of. "I'm afraid you'll change your mind. I'm afraid we mistake closeness for love. I'm afraid what the people will say. I'm afraid what mum will say. I'm terrified of the labels reaction." "Tyler." Josh didn't raise his voice, not yet. "I'm shaken down to the bone of the thought you might own so much of me, while you already hold like 90% of my existence. I'm in fear of loosing you because I'm not made for constant relationships. I'm afraid I will fuck up. I will hurt you. I'm too messed up to be loved. I.."  
Clearing his throat, now adressing the other louder Josh broke the stream of downspiraling thoughts. "Tyler! Look at me!" Words like gravitation, pulling his eyes towards the other, the singer shrinked into himself, a visible representation of his doubts and insecureties. It hit Josh right into the heart, the urge he felt to just rush over and protect that boy from himself, but he knew that this was a crucial moment, a difficil thing. Tyler needed to be handled right, or he'd shy away, withdrawing into a shell. "Calm down, ok? Come here." Patting the space beside him Josh did not demand to be followed, but made sure to let it sound like a request, caerfully eyeing how his friend got up slowly and padded over, sat down beside him, leaving enough space between them to avoid accidently touches. Head tucked between his shoulders, hands burried deep into the hoodie he had thrown over Tyler was the manifastation of indispotion. Slowly letting the breath he had held flow out of his nose Josh relaxed a little then. At least they could still talk, in a way. "Are you afraid of me?" he asked, smooth and steady, only to be greeted by a snort. "You're not and will never be intimidating to anyone, Joshua, give up trying." Tylers sassyness didn't hold on for too long, he changed in seconds now, a sign of how nervous he was. "I'm afraid of the things you make me feel." Biting his tongue hard the drummer concentrated on the carpet before him, not able to fully stiffle his laugh. Slightly annoyed Tyler looked up to him and grinted his teeth. "What?" "We're so sappy!" Josh broke, the tension of the situation pushing him into a coping mechanism that was healthier as his usual ones. Laughing fits at least didn't hurt nobody. Rolling his eyes Tyler decided that it might be the best to just ignore this for a second and go back to normal again. He scooted up the bed until he was propped against the headboard and grapped the remote, flicking on the TV. "Wanna watch a movie?" he gave, casually, totally not watching all too close how Josh crawled up beside him to mimik his pose. "Sure, what are we seeing?" Switching through the menue Tyler found the selection of films and learned that he could get even more embarrased then he had thought he could. Of course the first choice showing had to be "Brokeback montain". Heat rising up his face he totally tried to play it cool as he selected the next movie without really looking just to get that title off the screen, and reached his personal boiling point when the opener started to play. Slightly doubting his friends decission Josh tried not to look all too amused as he quirked a brow and turned towards him. "Gone with the wind? Seriously, dude?"  
Starting to sweat over the discovery how close they were like this, a situation they had probably been in hundreths of times before, Tyler wondered why he never had recognised how he was able to smell his friends cologne like that. It was distractive, very, as his overactive mind immediatly changed into high gear about the question if male pheromones could actually match with male receptors, and Tyler kicked himself mentally for drifting of. Faking coolness he hoped Josh couldn't see the droplets on his front and shrugged. "What? It's a classic!" Running out on games they both settled to watch for a while then, none of them following the story on the screen of course. Josh was pretty much internally panicing, about the way the seemed close but apart, about how rigid Tyler was, about how his arm itched to be put around the other. It had been a tacitly ritual they had formed once, years ago, when shared hotel beds hadn't been a choice but a necessarity. At one point Tyler always let his head rest on the olders shoulder, and Josh just put his arm around him, no explanation, no label needed. They had often fell asleep like this, and woken up untangled, on different sides of the bed, sometimes one of them on the floor. As long as they were not spending the night cuddling they figured it's ok, and so they kept it, never questioned the real reasons why it felt so comfortable to sink into another, just a littlebit. Now it seemed impossible to do, as Josh was afraid he might burn his fingers the moment he touched the other. Tyler was radiating heat, awareness, confusion, fear, and he himself was nearwhere calm enough to take this over. So they stayed where they are, watching the silly movie go by, and then another one, till they fell asleep beside each other, both drowned in their own worries.  
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Tyler told himself not to stare, but somehow his inner self didn't give a fuck. It just glued his eyes to his friend, who was currently handling his drums like a valve for whatever emotion needed that loud banging he produced. Being hidden sidestage, in the shadows, melting into the black long curtains the singer felt like a creep but still couldn't bring himself to move on. He was expected to join Josh in soundchecking, but had been hit by the picture of him drumming away on a higlighted stage in a dark room, his hair flying, muscles flexing and working under flawless skin. Whereever his loose shirt happened to touch his body in the movement it stuck, clinged to him like a second layer and just underlined the structure of his chest, and Tyler wondered why the heck he was thinking this just right now because, hey, what? Rubbing his eyes, retreating even more into the darkness he tried to get rid of the slight headache behind his front, to compose himself enough to go up there and do his thing. They hadn't moved anywhere since they had told each other. They awkwardly shifted around it, made acting like the old days happen whenever they could. They forced each other to be together, watching movies, playing videogames, eating stuff. But none of them did a step. They choosed to keep the dangerous balance. "There you are!" Marks powerfull voice suddenly washed over him from behind and Tyler had a hard time not to jump out of his skin, glarring at the videographer. "Shit! Man!" "Woahwoahwoah!" Mark grinned, holding up his hands like he'd soothe an animal. "Don't jump me, tiger!" Growling Tyler waved him off and started to walk, slowly towards the uninventable. "You're pretty flinchy lately." Mark offered, keeping his path, not pushing but insisting to answer. "I'm ok." "Are you sure?" Stopping and taking a deep breath Tyler grabbed his brain and told it to obey only this one time. "I'm sure. I'm ok Mark, just a little tired. Give me a few days and I'll be my twisted, sick self again." Giving him a glance that told he didn't buy a thing Mark nodded as they reached the stage and went to check on his gear. "If you say so, buddy....you know where to find me otherwise."  
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The drive to the hotel was way longer then expected, and Tyler cursed himself for agreeing to leave the tourbus at the venue and take taxis instead. Of course they ended up alone in one together. Of course he was so tired that he just couldn't fight sleep, no matter what he did. Tyler didn't know how he ended up that way, but when he was woken up by a soft shake of his shoulder, his head was burried in his friends neck and his whole body pressed up to Joshs side, who circled his arm around the younger as diplomatic as possible. "Tyler? Hey Ty! We're here!" the drummer announced softly causing him to fight through his haze and sit up, looking around with the confusion of someone who has just woken up. Tearing together all energy he found Tyler pushed himself out of the car and nearly tripped. The concrete looked really cozy, maybe he could sleep on it a bit. The realisation of his idea was interrupted by a hand closing around his bizeps, gently guiding him forewards and through the hotels gates. Josh navigated them through the lobby with ease, grabbed the keycards from their waiting tourmanager and took the shortest route to the elevators, the noise of people and music and lights and everything dialing down to the few hushed conversations in their litte moving room. Josh didn't dare to ask, there where too many ears around them, but he felt the trembling that took the boy beside him over. Tyler was exhausted, on the edge, since days. He thought noone noticed, but he didn't sleep well, if he slept at all. Lately he tended to leave Joshs room when the movie ended, or ask him to do so if they where in his, but still Josh could tell that he didn't lay down after he was alone. Not that he was doing any better himself. That was why he had decided that this had to end. This dancing around each other lead them nowehere, just into insanity right away, and Josh was done with waiting for Tyler to get his shit together. Quietly walking them both through the aisle he checked the doornumbers, counted down one by one until they finally reached their room, one of their crewmates just entering his too, wishing them a good night. "Sleep we...." Tyler started to reply but was cut off as Josh shoved him through the door the moment the cardchecker gave a peep and unlocked it. Stumbling at the force the drummer hadn't calculated all to well they ended up on the floor, Tyler on his back, his friend on top of him, the door wide ajar behind them.  
"Guys are you o...?" The voice on the outside came closer and Josh realized he had to act fast. Pushing the door closed with his foot, he stressed a "Everything fine!" before he scrambled up a bit on his hands so he could stare down at his now wide awaken friend. "Josh, what the f..." "I'm putting an end to this!" Shaking his head and trying to push the drummer off, not taking this for full Tyler hissed. "What the heck are you even talking about?" "This..." gestureing between them before grabbing the singers hands that pushed against his chest and pinning them on each side of his head Josh brought stillness to the situation, slowed it down and tensed it up at the same time. "Us. I love you. I told you I do, so I've got nothing to hide. You love me too, right?" Biting his lip for a moment Tyler pondered to lie, but decided it looked better to snuffle in arrogance. "Yeah, ok, you got a point. Still, doesn't tell me why we're wrestling right now." Loosing his drive and starring down at the other in disbelieve Josh was catched by the surreality of the situation for a moment. Here they were, friends for years, secret admirers for at least some of them. "Dude...I'm trying to kiss you! It's pretty hard to do, you know, you seldom shut up long enough!" Now it was Tylers turn to question his own brain as he looked up at the older buffled. He had thought about this because, hey, he was in love for real, right? But he hadn't dared to outline the ideas in his mind, let alone dive deeper in the utopia of a situation like this. There was no practice, no map he could use and it left him helpless, a feeling that always was linked to panic for him. "I...I'm..." Sensing the change of demanour Josh wanted to slap himself as he withdrew, sat up, broke their physical contact. "I'm sorry. I...I shouldn't have been so bolt. We agreed to take it slow. That was...not ok. I apologize." Blinking a few times Tyler tried to file the the strange pain he felt when the older lifted off of him, the loss in the feeling. "No. I mean yes. I mean..." Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath he tried to get his words in a correct order. "You're not too fast. I was just...unprepared? I...I didn't actually think you would...like that?" "Well...I love you doesn't exactly mean the same as I want to hang out with you a bit, you're aware of that, aren't you?" "Dumbass. I just...can't imagine it. Like...I've never pictured it." "You never thought about kissing me?" The conversation was rolling so easily suddenly that Tyler didn't dare to take too long to think. "Of course I have. I just couldn't...I don't know. I can't come up with a picture of it, ok? Like...I mean...who's dominating?"  
Giving him a sly grin Josh folded his hands in his lap. "Isn't it a bit early to decide who tops, baby boy?" "Oh my god!" running his hands over his face Tyler couldn't help but crack a smile on the way his friend laughed beside him, clearly aware of how awefull that sounded. "I'm not sure if I want to be called that by you anymore." Backpedaling Josh stopped in his bending over. "Why so?" "Well..." totally not out of calculation Tyler bit his lip and patted his eyelashes super slowly. "Would make me to have you call daddy, wouldn't it?" "Ew!!!! Did you really have to do that?" Josh yelled, shuddering on the thought alone, getting that the younger just used his own game against him. Flopping down beside Tyler on his front then Josh turned his head to look at him, finding him look back, their gazes really crossing the first time what seemed in ages. "Why is it like this? Why are we so tense? This should be easy." he voiced, feeling exhaustion pulling on his eyelids. Tyler did feel quiet the same he could tell, by the way kept giving small yawns, a cute thing to do, Josh decided. "I don't know. Maybe we're trying too hard? I mean...we talked a year about it before we actually started to make music together...so maybe we should talk this out first too?" Reminising their late night talks at the start of their friendship Josh felt warm inside when he thought of it. They had always clicked, right away.  
"We told each other what we like on a person we play with. Do you think that's what we should do? Like...telling each other what we like?" They were both on the brink of falling asleep, still both determined to not let this slip, as it seemed to be the first real attempt to fix their situation. Tyler stayed at his back, starring at the ceiling, Josh listening to his soft breath with closed eyes. "I like to get my neck kissed." he started, small and relucant, like if it would be the most delicate secret. And maybe it was. "And touched. It...it makes me feel safe, somehow." Nodding Josh approved that he understood how deep this confession was, and that he had to come up with an equal one. "I love it when someone plays with my hair. Combing through it and pulling it and twisting. I guess it's the same as for you...I feel...wanted." A strange kind of pride swelling in Tylers chest he turned to face his friend now, his hand slowly slidin up between them to slip under the drummers one and interwined their fingers. "Well, that's something to start with, hm?" "Yeah." Josh smiled back at him over their tangled hands.   
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Being together became easier after this, although it was still new and different in so many ways. People started to pick up too. Of course it needed a close eye and years of friendship to check what they were doing, but Mark had both of that and wasn't reluctant enough to not comment on it. He did it in his own way though, he didn't use words. It was the subtly lowered lens when he caught them holding hands in the dressing room and the way he just tilted his head and then closed the door again, that told them he was worried about it, but wouldn't interferre. Still Tyler felt guilty enough to draw his hand back and get up, wandering over to the mirror and starting to aply his paint. It was too early to do so, but it was a distraction, he needed his displacement activities from time to time. Watching him amiable Josh waited for a while and finally stood up, followed him over and stopped right behind the singer. Tyler was a few inches taller then him, still his face was shown over the youngers shoulder in the mirror, and he had free sight to study the others features. Beautiful was a word that struck Josh often since he allowed himself to look at his friend that way.   
"Will we tell him?" he asked, well knowing Tyler did try to avoid this conversation. They had barely started to talk about how close they could get, let alone telling others that they were kind of a thing now. Slowly applying a little of paint just under the line of his hair Tyler shrugged. "Not yet. We've hardly done anyhing, so..." "We can always start!" "Not right now, we got a show to play!" "I can make it fast." "Desperate, hugh?" "For you? Always." Their banter died down as fast as it had begun when Tyler shifted his gaze and catched his friends in the mirror. "Seriously, Ty. I...I would like to take things further. I get you don't know how and neither do I. But..." taking a step closer to the singer, hesitating lowering his hands on his hips Josh leaned in to place a shaky kiss on his neck, more a tremble then anything else, still enough to let the younger inhale sharply, shift his weight and lean back into him. Guiding his arms up behind himself Tyler let his fingers run through the messy strains of his friends hair, eyes fixed on their reflection when Josh placed another, more sure peck now right where his shoulder began. Planting one assurance after another on the golden skin beneath his lips the drummer let his mouth wander higher, until he reached the shell of his friends ear, humming lightly when nails scratched softly over his skalp. "See? We got that. We just need to listen to each other."   
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There was a cause why Tyler had choosen to wear long shirts and sometimes even baggy pants on this tour. There had been times skinny jeans and leggins had showed off way too much of him and he had only realised once a fan had pointed it out to him on twitter. Getting hard on stage was a well known problem in their field, nearly everyone had to deal with it at least once. Tyler couldn't really say he was a pro at this, but he have had his fair share of performance boners. Still the frequency with wich Joshs pure presence suddenly turned him on was overwhelming. Gripping his shirt and dragging it even lower he swayed to the tunes of "Holding on to you" absolutely not looking at his drummer, who had just hopped on the piano beside him to prepare for his backflip. Tyler was a perfectionist though, and so in the moment Josh pushed himself off the plate he shifted and looked at him, only to be met with the sight of the drummers pretty visible bulge flipping right before his eyes and then being gone when Josh landed on his feet and stumbled back to his kit. Tyler blinked, missed his line, and needed to call in a little break after the song, so he could drown his overheated mind in three bottles of cold water.   
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Stretching his body in the sun, the warmth percolating his skin Josh grunted contently. Down days had become pretty rare and that they happened to have one with an actual beach nearby was like a gift of heaven. Well, at least in his opinion. Tyler had never been exactly the beach-boy-type although his skin tone matched that description more then Joshs did, still the singer secretly hated sand and sun in combination. He totally got the soothing effect of nearby water though, that was why he had been tagging along and now lounged under a solar panel, arms lazyly crossed behind his head. "You shouldn't lay in open sun like this. You'll look like a lobster in a few hours." Crinkling his nose a bit Josh didn't move. "I'll be fine I got a sunblocker." "Doesn't change you're Mr. Paley-thighs. You'll burn up." "I just wanna stay in sun where I find..." Lifting his sunglasses with one hand Tyler threw his friend a dissaproving look. "Oh, NOW you know the lyrics to our songs, hugh?" Letting his neck crack Josh stretched his back a little further, stubbornly ignoring that his shoulders started to burn slightly. "You're just afraid I'll steal the show once I'm as tan as you." "You'll never be as tan as me, boy, I'm lebanese." "A quarter." "At least a half!" "Well, you always had fun fantasizing." "Lame!" Pushing himself up Tyler grabbed his purse. "I'm going to get ice cream. Want some?" "Yap." 

Later that day Josh wasn't as cocky as he had been anymore. The skin on his back already started to peel off, every movement caused him pain but the real hurt was Tylers knowing grin everytime he flinched while the singer gently sprawled After-Sun-Lotion on his damaged skin. "Well, we all need to learn, Joshie. I know, it's hard sometimes." the younger gave. "You're such an asshole!" Josh grunted from under his hands, face buried deeply into the clean sheets. "You should commiserate me like a good boyfriend does!" If it wasn't for Tylers hands stilling on him the drummer would have probably been able to hear the tension by the hitch of his breath. Oh yes...of course. Between slowly finding out what that "more" they suddenly had consisted of was, they had forgotten to check up on what they wanted from each other seen in long term perspective. Josh realised that they probably should have cleared that one up from the start, as there was a whole big world of "if's" between friends with certain benefits and two people in a relationship. He opened his mouth, not knowing what to say but feeling like he should voice something, but was caught of by a featherlight pressure to the corner of his lips. Catching only that it had been Tyler kissing him softly when the younger pulled back a bit Joshs words dried in his throat. "You're right." the singer simply stated, and just like that Tyler made a jump forewared where he had been crawling slowly until now. 

Placing another light kiss near the drummers lips he made his way up his face, the side of it he could reach. In a sudden rush of emotion Josh felt himself moving, turning around and sliding his arms around the younger, pulling him close while he let himself fall on his back...and repenting it the moment he did. "Fuck! Ouch!" he hissed, shooting upwards and sending Tyler back with enough power to nearly throw him off the bed, gripping the sheets and waiting for the pain to subside. Standing up the singer shook his head and sighed, mumbling something along the lines of "never gonna get there!" when he left for the bathroom. Coming back not long later he ministrated his now silently suffering friend to lay back on his front again and placed a cold, wet towel on his insulted back. Dozing off somewhen Josh didn't recognise Tyler set an alarm every other hour to wake up and change the towel so it would have a steady cooling effect all night. 

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A streetsign and a dumb pop songs' lyric was what it took to convince Josh of a "now or never!" finally. Nearly six weeks of polite closeness lay behind them and when his speakers announced that he lived only once by the time they passed the "Ohio state border – 20 miles", the drummers instincts got the best of him. Somehow it dawned him that once they were on their brake things would even get more awkward if they wouldn't have overstept some borders by then. With family around it would be a lot harder to find place, time and a pace for them to be together and the possibility of loosing what they had to this was too much risks for him to take. Switching into gear from zero to hundret Josh shot up and stumbled through the bus, passing perplexed crewmembers and finally reaching the door to the small bathroom behind the bunkarea. It was an unspoken rule between all of them that they never locked the small shower, in case someoone slipped in there when the bus had to stop or something. The only other person in sight was Mark right now and Josh decided to don't give a fuck, pushed the door open and broke right into a small space full of steam that had swallowed his boyfriend. 

Quick to not let water splash outside the drummer closed them in and then turned, Tylers face visible before him, now some of the waters mist had been released. "Josh! Wha...hmpf!" Being shoved against the wall Tyler gave an audible protest but a short lived one, because once the olders lips slotted to his he was left unable to do anything other then comply. Amazed by that it finally happened and eager to enjoy this moment to the fullest Josh coaxed his friends mouth open with his tongue running along the singers bottom lip, bot of them parting theirs to invade each other...and getting a mouthfull of water out of the spray promptly. While Josh managed to turn his head and spit it over the others shoulder Tyler chocked hard on it and nearly doubled over, one of his hands clasped to his throat while he desperatly tried to suck in air. Doing the first thing that came to his mind and slamming his hand down right between the singers shoulderplates Josh yelled hectic "Breath! Come on!"'s then, only stopping when Tyler managed to put a hand on his chest and push him away as far as their thight space allowed. 

A harsh knock on the door startled them both, Marks concerned voice ringing through. "Guys...uhm...you ok in there?" "We're perfectly fine pal, thank you!" Josh hissed letting his head fall back against the wall in frustration. Having found something like a regular breathing rythm again Tyler flashed him glare and found his jaw dropping. "You know..." he started, his voice strangely changed from the action, "if you have some kind of drowning kink you could have at least forewarn me!" Feeling his clothes getting more and more heavy with every minute they got soaked in there Josh raised his hands helpless and let them fall again as he found there was not even enough space to gesture. "I...I just felt like I need to kiss you before we reach Ohio." Quirking a brow Tyler tried to get the vibe then. It was pretty easy to tell if his friend was joking or being hit by his anxiety and right now it seemed more of the letter so he slowly nodded and tried to sound not too sceptical. "Under the shower. Fully clothed." "It couldn't wait, we only have 20 miles to go and you're showering endlessly." 

Tyler wanted to laugh, he really felt like he would have to, but he just couldn't. It was right this moment, right then, when they passed behind the hardest part, or at least what they thought would be the most servere at that time, when Josh stood before him soaked to the bones, hair plastered to his front, eyes wide of a thousand emotions and he just let it happen. Gripping the olders face with both hands Tyler pulled him back in to get on where they had been broken appart, carefully avoiding to get water into their mouths now. If he had to jack off furiously once Josh slipped out to get changed and dried, noone but his reflection in the mirror could tell.

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Life was a bitch. Not that Josh normally tended to such profianities, but this time he felt deeply betrayed. Finally Tyler and him had did a step toward what really felt like being together, but once they reached their hometown they had been ripped appart. Family dinners, friends coming over...everyone supposed they would have enough of each other after being together 24/7 for so long, when Josh wanted to do nothing more then cling to his boyfriend all the time. It had taken an entire week to make up an excuse to go over to Tylers' and of course the drummers anxiety didn't let him deal well. While stepping up the small stairs to the front door Josh wondered if the other had used the time to think to come to terms with that this little experiment had been pretty funny but well, nope. Tyler had texted him, but they hadn't left the borders of their usual message fights, the "I love you!"s still not coming easy for them, the "I miss you!" not even dared to mention. Raising his hand to knock Josh wondered how to great the younger. Like...where they supposed to hug? Could he kiss Tyler when his roommates where around? Would they even talk to each other or...the train of though dreailed quiet quickly when the door was opened.

Epiphany. Either that or a stroke hit the drummer hard. The moment he catched a glimpse of the younger he knew they were alright, had ever been. Tyler wasn't only by far the most beautiful thing he had seen in days, he was a bouncing bundle of energy and crashed them together with force the moment Josh entered. Their second kiss started out just like the first: Needy and messy and not romantic at all, more a salmagundi of wrong angles and bumped noses and clatching teeth. Letting his hands slipping into the youngers neck Josh pulled away after a while, just to catch his breath, to take in the moment, and smiled. "Hey there!" he whispered between them, determined to slow them down a bit. "Hey!" Tyler simply threw back and dived in again, hungrily sucking on the drummers lip, his hands already crawling up his chest. They trembled and Josh got the message, caught them inbetween his and broke away, leading his buzzled boyfriend further into the house and past the common rooms. 

Tylers place in the house wasn't big, but he didn't needed much space anyway. His instruments took the most of it, and they where placed downstairs, where they had used to practice. Things where going to change after this tour. The singer had talked about getting a house on his own. "With a rehearsal room. And a studio. And a guestroom so you can come over anytime." he had said. It was written in the stars what would become of that now. Stepping inside his boyfriends tidy place Josh ignored the bed and sat down on the small couch in the corner, pulling the younger with him, pretty natural the way Tyler ended up in his lap, his arms coming around the drummers shoulders while Joshs rested on his back. It would have been a strange position if he wouldn't have lost any time to lean in again and catch Tylers mouth with his own, in slow, calculated movement, not the heat of the moment. Closing his eyes Josh sighed when he finally got the time to enjoy the sensation. Tasting like redbull and mints Tyler was a explotion of thousands of triggers for his senses. Smooth lips, a little rasp on one edge, the way he changed the pressure in his kiss from subtle to hard and back. Josh was so caught up in this that he didn't get the shift right away, only when the singer started to cast his hands through his hair he realised Tyler had skidded closer, their chests nearly flush, deepened the kiss the moment he deepened their conection. His heart speeding hundreths of miles per minute Josh tried experimently to let his hands roam, just innocently above the youngers shirt and up and down his back. This was pretty different to everything he was used to, he didn't know where to begin or where he better ended. If Tyler would have been a girl, he probably would have gone for her shirt right now and then employing himself with her breasts for a while but Tyler was no girl and here they were kissing and O god he rolled his hips and this was his friend and...

Feeling his friends pulse speeding up under his fingertips Tyler let one of his hands slip, drop to where his heart ly and placed his palm above it. The gesture just seemed right, it was not like he really believed he could sooth the running muscle like that, but it paused Josh for a moment and the both came to the surface of reality to breath. "What's it?" Tyler asked, gently nudging his nose against the others, a smile that wouldn't fade around his lips. "I..." grunting in frustration Josh let his head hit the singers shoulder and his hands rest on the small of his back, "I got no idea what you expect from me. Do you want me to...I don't know...". Turning his head a bit Tyler observed the curve of the youngers neck beside him. There where some tiny hairs standing in the nape of it, they held his natural colour and Tyler wished for a second Josh would stop dying it out of his head. He almost could feel the freckles on his lips when he softly pressed them down on them and slung his arms around his friend, crushing them even closer together so there was no air left between them. "I've got no clue what I want, Josh. And I got no clue what to give either. And maybe we should stick to our plan. Talking first, taking small steps. Let's just...stay like this for a while." And in the dawn of the early evening they found that hard wasn't even enough to describe what was about to come. 

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Jumping back with such force that he send a microphone stand flying Tyler did his best to look innocent which only meant he looked guilty as fuck. Josh in the opposite didn't even tried to hide all too much, it was effortless he decided when he studied Marks face. Sooner or later it had to happen that someone walked in on them, they had gotten a little careless lately, and the drummer reminded himself to thank god for letting it be their best friend. Quirking a brow, setting his equipment aside the videographer ignored Tylers attempts to gloss over what he had seen with rambling about the set, whiped his hands on his jeans and sat down at a stool in the middle of the room, facing them both. "Spill." he said, simply and calm, his gaze hitting Josh first. The drummer nearly whinced, but realised it was probably for the best to just go through with it. Mark was a good guy. He'd understand. "We're kind of...don't freak out ok?...kind of...together?" "Yeah, I figured that you're fucking, I want to know what's the deal!" "We're not fu...!" "Jesus, can we stop that please?" chirping in from aside Tyler ran a hand over his face and grabbed another chair slumbing down beside Mark. 

Taking a deep breath the videographer sighed. "Ok, let's restart this: What are you doing there, guys? Like...is this a friends with benefits thingy or what?" Casting Tyler a pleading glance Josh exhaled relieved when the singer answered in a heartbeat. "No, this is real. I mean...we're together for real." "All strings attached?" "Full homo." "Tied to the end of your days?" "Bounded by fate." "Ever happyliy af..." "Guys!" stopping the two from drifting further into this game Josh brought the attention back to the matter of fact. "Ok, ok, I got it." Mark sighed, looking back and forth between the two of them. "So you're together but you're not official and you want me to shut my mug and cover you right?" Taking place behind his piano Tyler nodded eagerly and smiled, glad to find that Mark wasn't grossed or mad about them. "I can do that." their friend disclosed while he stood up and grabbed his gear to put it in place. Zipping open his camerabag he paused and swung around: "And you really haven't done each other yet?" There was no need to stiffle his laugh when he was nearly hit with a drumstick, thrown across the room. 

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"Off!" Tyler gnarrled and gripped the hem of his friends shirt, clawing at it impatiently while he slotted his mouth to the drummers neck and sucked. "Tyl..." being cut off by another hectic, needy kiss Josh tried to process what was happening, which was fairly hard being tipsy like he was. Assuming that his boyfriend wasn't completly sober too the drummer let him have his way for a few seconds before he started to try to get him to undress again. Gripping both of the youngers hands he spun them around so it was the singer now pressed with his back to the wall and fixed him there so he would listen. "Tyler! Can you calm down for a second please?" "Do me!" The harshness of the situation hit the drummer hard and for a second he lessend his grip on the others hands, just to learn it had been a mistake when Tyler pushed against him with his whole body and made them stumble through the room. They landed on his bed, thankfully, hectic hands already halfway through tearing the drummers shirt to shreds. "Ty..." choking back a moan when cold, skilled fingers slipped under the fabric and danced across his belly Josh used more force this time, flipped them over and pinned the younger down. 

It didn't stop Tyler from bucking up into him, his eyes blown with a strange shade, movements a furious attempt to get closer again. Tilting his head Josh tried to understand what the...and came to the conclusion rather quickly. Oh. "Tyler..." "Come on, fuck me, now!" Changing into a nearly sad expression Josh let go then and sat back, not taking the insult though when his friend tried to crawl in his lap, pushing him back on the bed. "No." This brought Tyler to an halt the first time since they had left the party. Propping up on his ellbows, hair a messy mob of floof he looked at the drummer in disbelieve. "What?" Against the strong urge to just leap foreward and thrust the hell out of that boy Josh folded his hands in his lap and repeated. "No." "Hugh." And just like that things went to being hard again. Literally and metaphorically, Josh recognised, feeling his pants getting pretty thight, but right now the metaphorically part seemed more important. Starring at him for a moment longer Tyler was off the bed and on his way to the door quicker then he should have been in his drunken state, but Joshs didn't think of letting him leave like that. Rushing between the door and his boyfriend he blocked the way. "Let me explain." "No, thanks, I got it." "Tyler, don't be silly!" "No, really, no need to strain yourself, I got the message. You're not interested. It's ok." "Jeez! Could you just listen for a..." 

Loosing the rest of his self control Tyler turned around with a groan and kicked the nearest chair with his foot. "The hell, Joshua! Just let it be, ok? We're trying to get this thing going for month now, but it whenever it comes down to it we're just not able to make it work! You're not into me that way, ok? You just need to realise! You'll never look at me the way you look at Miranda Baker at that party and..." Tears slowly filling his eyes Tyler cursed himself for drinking, he knew how emotionally wound up it made him every time. But seeing Josh with that girl who clearly had intentions to flirt with him, seeing him be all nicely to that little bitch had pushed him into drown his worries with booze. Joshs expression seemed to soften, though. The drummer didn't even hear the spat insults that followed anymore, he just waited for them to end, until his friend was tired out by his anger and changing into a sobbing mess, emotions getting the best of him. Taking a small step closer Josh reached out to touch him, let his fingers slide over his arm. "Is that what this all is about? Some random, dumbass model that hit on me?" "She's a random, BEAUTIFUL dumbass model that hit on you!" Tyler sniffed, his defences crumbling like dust when the small sober part of his brain started to catch up on that he might have overreacted a bit. "Oh boy!" Josh didn't know if he should cry or laugh, so he settled for grabbing the younger and pulling him into a hug, not missing to kiss his tears away and let him hide in the crook of his neck. "I should have figured you're the jeallous type." the drummer spoke calmly, smiling on the huff against his neck. "'m not jeallous, I'm just aware." "YOU, dork," letting his hand brush some fluff out of the youngers face so he could look at him properly Josh smiled warmly when he felt the flow of affection restore between them, "are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and nothing is going to change that." He knew the crisis was over when Tyler relaxed in his embrace. "Not even your new drums?" "Well...they might be a tick more beautyful then..." Thighthing his grip so Tyler couldn't skimmy out of it Josh laughed into his boyfriends neck. "Hey, stop, just kidding!"

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"Should we...I don't know...watch porn or something?" Crinching inwardly Josh shifted on the kingsize bed, trying to push down his anxiety. "No...I think we're good." After what had been a dozen attempts to take them further, and all of them ended up in either laughing or a mess, they had decided to get away for a few days, check in some tiny hotel on the end of the world and talk things out like they always used to do. When he mentioned that jacking off together could be a good foundation for, well...more, Josh had thought it was a pretty good idea. Right now he wasn't so sure of it anymore. Crashing on the bed beside him Tyler stretched his arms over his head and fake yawned, clearly trying to overplay his own nervousity. "Ready, dude?" "Wow, romantic!" "If you would have wanted romance you shouldn't have choosen a no-star-hotelroom." "What, is my princess getting spoiled?" "Great, you just killed every sexual vibe in this room." "Has there ever been one first place?" Facing him Tyler tried to get serious then. "You're making things really hard, you know?" Smirking back Josh shrugged. "Well, that's the idea, isn't it?" Internally preparing for another round of banter the drummers attention was drawn in by a hand slipping into his and starting to play with his fingers. 

"I wanna learn what you like." Tyler gave, smoother now, voice deeper like always when he concentrated hard on getting understood. "I want to see what get's you going and then I want to try because I really, really think about this way too much to be healthy." Wresting their digits the singer sat up and removed his shirt before lying down again, something that wasn't all too strange to his friend. Still it was the first time Josh felt ok to really look, watch, trace the dark lines on the youngers chest with his eyes. Tyler reciprocated his gaze and smiled, nodding towards him. "Now you." They turned towards each other, once they layed down shirtless, a certain calmness now settling between them. Mesmerized by the way he spoke Josh settled to observe his friend, ready to follow any order, any advise he was given. Tyler seemed to be so much more sure as him right now, and he was eager to follow. "When I'm..." blushing and looking down only to blush even more when he realised the already visible bulge in his boyfriends pants Tyler took a breath and started over. "When I play with myself I start out slow. I...I touch myself all over..." slowly dragging one hand up his side the singer accomponied his explanation with action, and Josh gulped hard as he felt his own body responding to a touch that wasn't even there. "I like the feeling of this...just touching, like...nowhere in particular." 

Having a hard time in keeping his hands to himself already Josh gave his own a task, let them run down his thighs and grip the material of his pants a bit. "I take my time in that," Tyler repeated, "and then..." casually shifting his hand the singer dropped it to one of his nipples and let his eyes flatter shut while the olders widened in a mixture of shock and exitement, "I pull and flick a little...here..." "Shit!" Cursing seemed the only way to get off a little steam, at least until he was able to controll his shaking enough to shove his hand into his pants. Josh suddenly couldn't find the hesitation he had feeling before anymore, the need to get off was stronger, because, holy whatever...Tyler lay directly beside him, toying his nipple and describing it in a way that was maybe even hotter then the action itself. The drummer would be cursed if he wouldn't have taken advantage of that sight. Opening one eye the younger gazed over, to find him sweating, palming himself through his underwear and already panting at higher pace. Opening the second one two Tyler pulled his lower lip between his teeth and patted his lashes while he let his second hand slowly creep down his body, well aware how he made the boy beside him twitch. "And then...when I nearly can't stand it anymore..." He gently slipped his fingers past his waistband, grinning in delight about the knockledge Josh would die learning that he was going commando Tyler pushed it down far enough to let his member slip outside. 

Josh had never categorized himself as vocal in bed. Right now, he was fairly that. Heh. The moan he gave bordered to be obscene, but it was just what Tyler needed to overcome the sudden moment of insecureness that had to follow. Seeing his friend already on the edge the singer started to stroke himself, soft sounds accomponying each beat. Josh hyperventilated, but aside of this he was pretty fine. This might have been the best idea ever, he decided. This was just perfect, aside of that he whished their hands would be reversed, onto each other, but they weren't just quiet there yet. There was hope for it though, both of them thought when they came, pearly and white mixing up on the sheets between them, curious glances and shy smiles and innocent holding hands all over. 

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"It's Tyler, right?" Cursing himself inwardly for thinking he could trick out Brendon Josh sighed and hoped that the older was as good of a friend as he always promised to be. "Will you believe me if I say no?" Snorting the singer took a drag from his bottle and placed his feet on the small coffe table between them. "Joshie...you show up at my house after month of being too busy to even call me, basically just to ask me kindly if I could tell you how a good blowjob works. If there's one reason I can think off that made you doing this it's Tyler Baby boy Joseph himself." Grimacing the drummer tried to hit his embarrasment behind his can, but failed. "That obvious, hm?" "To be honest, man, the two of you might have been the last to know." Cheering him Brendon sounded pretty amused when he added: "Here's to life long broship. Welcome to the club of gay people." "We're not gay!" Nearly spitting his drink across the table Brendon sat up and starred at his guest. "Dude, you just asked me to teach you how to give head to your man, what the hell do you think that makes you?" Shrugging Josh decided that the Panic singer might have been just the right choice to talk about this. Brendon was bolt but honest enough to get a clear view on it. 

"Seriously? I got no idea! I...this is new, everything of it is new to me. He's...I've never been so infatuated by someone, Bren. This goes deeper, you know." Setting his can aside, leaning foreward on his ellbows Brendon shook his head. "Man, you've got it hard, hm? Well....let me tell you something." Absently letting his gaze strife through the window into his garden, where his wife was just planting some flowers Brendon felt himself smile at the thought that his friend might just finally have found the same joy he had. "You and Tyler have always been meant to be together. The way you communicate, the way you look at each other...Joshua, you need no advise where to go with him, just take him there. He will follow, no matter what you do. He's in love just like you are, and you can't imagine how happy I am you idiots finally worked it out."

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Josh stopped planning after this. He eased back, and dragged Tyler with him, into a cofortably rythm of slow discovery. By the end of their sixth month they told their brothers. Tyler was all sweating palms and jittery legs when they waited for Jordan and Zack to arrive. They spared themselves the explanation as they two younger came in earlier and catched them making out in the hallway. There where a few halfhearted "And if you ever hurt my bro, know I'll come after...you know what? Forget it."'s and it was done, Zack and Jordan strolling off to spread the news to their girlfriends. Their parents where a little more tricky, but having full support of the whole siblingship to that time already it wasn't even that much of a big deal as they had thought. There were a long conversation about responsibility, about how the mums and dads demanded to learn if this was really more then just a phase, because they knew their sons well. Still both of them went to sleep relieved and calm that night, cuddled into each other, enjoying the freedom of now being out to the people closest to them. 

When Josh woke up in the morning he steered a little, feeling a weight on his chest. Glancing down he found the younger, starring up at him with a drownsey smile on his face. "Morning!" the drummer mumbled, his brain slowly starting to function, telling him that he felt pretty good. Very pretty good. Pretty fucking good, even. Realising why the same moment Tyler broke into a grin and thightened his grip around his dick Josh sucked in a deep breath. Just like that, the hardness faded. Not out of his middle, but out of their lifes. He was glad, so, so glad they had kept their pace through all this, never pushed past what they cold take, because he knew it led up to this moment, where they finally where comfortable to do this without any kind of fear. Reaching down to grip his boyfriends neck Josh pulled him a little closer, bringing their lips together, moaning into the youngers mouth, not holding back on bucking his hips anymore. Brendon had been right, it didn't matter what they did to each other, they both discovered new land, and they did it together. Baby steps changed into solid footprints. And the world began to spin. 

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"This was....surprising." Josh stated, about an hour later, when he finally was able to form something like words again. It was maybe not what he had been expected to say, but given the situation he found it pretty accurate. "You should have known how it ends. I'm the lead singer." "Right. You're singing. I'm banging. I always thought that should say something about us." "Well, you also bounce. A lot." "I'm versatile. Are you?" "Metaphorically, I'm a who..." "No, please, just don't!" "But some have seen a pen, I saw your harp..." "Tyler, god, please!" "You want me to stay in my la..." Rolling over and kissing his boyfriend again and again and again until Tyler pushed him back laughing and struggled to get some air Josh felt more content then ever. And this was that.


End file.
